Managing blended families can be challenging, and Carla is experiencing this firsthand. She is expected to take care of her husband’s three children for long hours every day while his ex-wife works a lot. Carla wasn’t happy with this setup and reached out for advice.
Here is Carla’s letter:
“My husband’s ex-wife works a lot while I’m a housewife. Their three kids, aged 10, 8, and 5, spend a lot of time at our place, even when my husband isn’t around, because she’s been ‘so busy’ with work lately.
Yesterday, I told her, ‘I’m not a free babysitter. I want $120/day, $40 for each kid.’
My husband was quiet, and his ex-wife looked uncomfortable. When she left, my husband said, ‘And I’m not a free provider. I work all day to give you a good life, and I can’t accept you treating my kids like strangers. This is their house too!’
I got angry and explained that being a housewife is enough work, and I can’t also take care of three kids who aren’t mine!
Today, I was shocked to find all my personal belongings packed in boxes, with a note from my husband saying, ‘Since you want to earn $120/day, maybe you can start buying your own stuff yourself.’
I feel completely insulted by my husband’s actions. This isn’t like him at all. Was I really wrong to ask to be acknowledged for looking after three kids?”
First of all, this should have been discussed before you got married. Secondly, why not try a babysitter for the children with both ex-wife and husband paying equal parts. Unless the father is home to spend quality time with his children, I see no reason why they can’t go to a sitter.