When a couple with children divorces and one of them remarries and has more children, the relationship between the two families can become complicated. This can be even more challenging if the new family is dealing with a serious issue like an illness.
I divorced my ex-husband seven years ago, and we share custody of our 13-year-old daughter. He has since remarried and has a 5-year-old daughter with his new wife. The two girls get along well and spend time together, but his daughter doesn’t visit my home, and they rarely meet there.
Recently, my ex-husband’s wife was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing treatment. When he dropped off our daughter, he asked to speak with me. He explained that his family wouldn’t be able to celebrate Christmas this year due to his wife’s illness and asked if I could include his daughter in our family’s celebration. He thought it would be a good opportunity for the girls to bond and create happy memories together.
I felt uncomfortable with the idea because our family’s Christmas tradition is special to us, and I didn’t want to invite anyone outside of our family. He reminded me that while his daughter might not be my family, she is still my daughter’s half-sister and urged me to think about what’s best for the children. I suggested that he take his daughter to spend Christmas with her grandparents instead. When I tried to end the conversation, he became emotional and accused me of being cruel for not including his daughter, who is already having a tough time adjusting.
Seeing him start to cry, I stepped back and told him I was no longer comfortable discussing this. I asked him to leave, and he did, but later he texted me, asking again if his daughter could spend Christmas with us. He even offered to stay away if that would make me feel better. I still said no, and now he calls me selfish and cold.
My family, who will be attending, also said they wouldn’t be comfortable in this situation.
Tips for Helping Children in Similar Situations:
- Talk to the Child: It’s important for parents to talk honestly with their children about what’s going on, especially if there’s a serious illness. This helps the child understand and prepare for what to expect.
- Stick to a Routine: Keeping a normal routine can help children feel secure during difficult times. They can rely on family and friends for support.
- Give Them Space: Encourage children to express their feelings, whether by talking or through activities like writing in a journal. This can help them cope in a healthy and private way.
- Spend Family Time Together: Remind children that a serious illness doesn’t change the love within the family. Spend quality time together, like on vacations or family outings.
- Show Affection: Let children know it’s okay to show affection, even if someone in the family is sick. Cancer, for example, isn’t contagious, so it’s safe to hug or kiss their loved ones.
Would You Spend a Holiday with Your Ex’s Family?
She’s FIVE!! Have a little compassion for a child whose mother is ill with cancer! Where is your Christmas spirit for Heavens sake!!
Dear Selfish
You should be by yourself. You are totally wrong in this situation. This is a child who happens to be going through a Very hard time losing a parent is hard enough but you not realizing that this child may need love and support at this difficult time in her life.
If I was your husband and you couldn’t show his daughter any kind of compassion during this difficult time in her life around the holidays as well as she’s losing her mother. I would no longer be your husband. You are absolutely wrong in this situation. We never know who we may need in our life and one day this young lady this young girl who you choose not to invite into your life at a difficult time in her life is gonna be the one that you may need to show some support in your difficult time of need. It’s just best to be nice and compassionate to everyone.