It can be tough to treat stepchildren just like your own, and Erin faced this challenge when she decided not to give her stepdaughter pocket money, even though she gives it to her own son every week. Unsure if she was doing the right thing, Erin reached out for advice.
Here’s what she shared:
“My husband has a teenage daughter from his previous marriage, and she lives with us. I make more money than her dad. She often asks me for pocket money, clothes like her school friends have, cosmetics, gadgets, and even exotic fruits. She didn’t have many choices when she lived with her dad, but now that she’s in our nice home, she wants more things. I never give her money directly. Instead, we buy her good-looking but modest clothes and provide enough food, but nothing too fancy.
She says I’m being unfair because I give my son from my previous marriage pocket money every week. She feels that I don’t love her as much as I love my son. But I have two reasons for handling things this way. First, my parents were strict with me. Even though they had enough money, they never spoiled me. This taught me not to take anything for granted and helped me become responsible and self-reliant. I think these values are important, and I want to teach them to both my son and my stepdaughter.
Secondly, my son earns his allowance by doing chores around the house, like helping in the garden or doing laundry. He earns a good amount each week, which is a lot for a teenager. I want my stepdaughter to learn these same lessons. It’s not about showing favoritism; it’s about teaching her valuable life skills that will help her in the future.
But the tension in our family is growing. She keeps accusing me of favoritism, and it’s causing a lot of stress. My husband thinks I’m right to stand firm, but he also worries that I might be too strict with her.
I’m really unsure how to handle this. I don’t want my stepdaughter to feel unloved, but I also don’t want to give up my principles. To be honest, I’m not sure how to navigate this situation with a teenage girl, and I really need some advice.”
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