A mom has gone viral after sharing a video claiming children “don’t owe their parents anything”. Since then, the debate has been heated!
Lisa Pontius recently posted a video on TikTok with the title: “Kids Don’t Owe Their Parents Anything.”.
The video has been viewed over 4 million times, in which Lisa explains why she believes children do not owe their parents a certain type of relationship. The thirty-three-year-old mom from Charleston, South Carolina began the video responding to comments on a previous video criticizing her for setting boundaries with her own mother and saying she should be thankful for everything her mom has done for her.
Lisa replied, “Setting boundaries means that you don’t love or appreciate what someone has done for you,”
According to her, children don’t owe their parents a certain kind of relationship, and they don’t owe their parents respect either, since respect is reciprocal. There is a distinct difference between the dynamics of an adult parent and a child.
As a result, the woman said it’s the job of a parent to provide for their children, even though “not everyone rises to the occasion.” “A parent’s job is to provide for their children,” she said. They have a responsibility to do so. Taking care of your kid’s physical and financial needs is like the bare minimum, but not everyone does it,”
The next level is their emotional needs, which are met by good parents, but this is not contingent. “You do not love and provide for your children in the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults.” As she continues to say, she hopes that she will create a good enough relationship with her children while they’re young, so that they’ll want to have a relationship with her when they’re adults, but you can’t pick.
As the stay-at-home mum concludes, she emphasizes that children are “people” and that “you don’t owe them anything just because you took care of them.” “If you raise them right, meaning that you have a solid foundation and a good relationship, you will reap those benefits.”
Lisa’s viral video caused quite a stir online after going viral.
Netizens generally agree with the mom that parents should “provide and care” for their children.
One person commented: “I agree with her 100 percent, it was your decision to bring that child into this world.”. You need to provide and care for them. They don’t owe you anything,”
Another said: “They were brought into the world by their parents.”.
Children do not ask to be born,” one person wrote. “If I don’t show my kid respect first, he won’t respect me. We are the grown-ups, so take responsibility and set an example for your children
. However, others have questioned her views.
One person asked: “What happens when your child/children don’t clean up after themselves?”? I guess you can let them be little turds since they owe you anything.””
Another said: “That’s not the right approach.”. When their parents raised them, helped them get to where they are today, they owe everything to their parents that explains their success then as well as now.
As Lisa told BuzzFeed, her children “don’t owe me anything once they’re grown just because I gave birth to them.”. It is possible that by that time, I will have earned their respect and admiration through our relationship, but it isn’t guaranteed.” “Some parents parent through fear and authoritarianism, and who in their adult life wants to maintain an intimate relationship with a dictator or someone who emotionally manipulates them?” I kept seeing the same messages on my videos from older people who said children owe respect to their parents no matter how they treat them, but I do not believe that to be realistic and naive.”
According to the woman, the “roof over your head” argument is “manipulative” because “wouldn’t you have had a place to live for yourself regardless of whether you had children?”? Children aren’t freeloaders, but they’re your dependents and your responsibility.”
Lisa discussed maintaining healthy boundaries with parents. She admitted that “going no contact may be necessary” sometimes, but that the goal is to “set boundaries and communicate” to avoid that happening.
Then she explained. “Boundaries can be as simple as asking someone to call before coming over or asking visitors not to kiss your baby,” she says. “Bigger boundaries can also be set, but the goal is to maintain a relationship that doesn’t hurt your mental health or happiness.
I hope that parents, especially those of younger children, realize how delicate the relationship they are building with their children is. When they become adults, they will get to decide whether or not they want you around, and hopefully you have given them a reason to want you around.”