The dating scene after a spouse’s death can be frightening and stressful, with apprehension and anxiety getting in the way of finding a genuine romantic connection. It is imperative for people to have closure and truly process their feelings in order to be able to move on from the pain of the past.
Having children can make juggling a love life and a family even more challenging. What is the best time to tell a date you have children? What is the best way to bring it up? Can they meet with you?
The little things can add up to make dating seem like a minefield, so why put yourself through it? It is so refreshing when you finally find someone who shares things in common with you and with whom you feel comfortable.
On July 28, 2022, one man shared his story about his second marriage on Reddit. In his first marriage, he had been blessed with a daughter he loved beyond measure. They bonded as she also had children from a previous marriage when he met his second wife.
My wife and I met four years ago when I was a widower. She was a divorced mother of two. I also had a daughter. They are 13 and 11 (my stepdaughters) and 12 (my daughter). It was easy not to expose my daughter to my wife’s ex when we met, so I felt secure moving forward. “My daughter liked my wife and was excited about having siblings,” he wrote.
However, his hopes of a happy blended family were soon dashed.
At first, the man said that his daughter and his wife’s two daughters got along well.
At first, my stepdaughters were fine with my daughter. She wasn’t called magically or treated the same immediately, but they were nice,” he said.
After they got married, everything changed.
“The girls’ dad hates my daughter, and they (the girls) will spew that hate in our home, and use it to bully her. A grown a** man called my 10-year-old a fat repulsive pig, a w***e and the reason abortion was invented (to list only a few). “She has been called dumb, mocked for being shy and introverted,” he said.
His wife helped him nip the problem in the bud.
My wife was determined to get them to stop after I made it clear we could not continue if we were to stay married. I sought therapy for my daughter and tried to keep them apart as much as possible. Even at night, they taunted her. So I decided to move out with my daughter and tell my wife that our marriage could not continue. She pleaded with me to stay. Her girls need me, she said, and she loves us. “My daughter comes first.” I said.
He was not welcome by his wife’s family.
My wife’s family has told me since I filed the divorce that my stepdaughters need me, that they need a healthy and good father in their lives, and that I will ruin them if I leave.
He refused to placate them at the expense of his daughter’s happiness.
According to them, my wife was prioritizing my daughter and being loved by her should be enough for her to understand her sisters need me around. I’m an a*****e for saying their granddaughters are not special. The girls said I dismissed them and made it sound like they weren’t worth fighting for,” he wrote.
Dad’s distraught family received support from the Reddit community.
During that conversation, the only harsh and cruel thing said was that you were harming your stepdaughters by protecting your own child from their bullying. In fact, the girls may need a healthy father figure in their lives – but if you stayed in that house and allowed their torment to continue, you would no longer be the example they needed,” a commenter argued.
According to many, the main cause of the problem was the wife’s ex.
“Despite your wife and in-law’s efforts, you can’t control how much poison your ex spews, and there’s not much you can do about it. … I understand why your wife and her family are upset, but you do have an obligation to your daughter,” a comment said.
“I wouldn’t be so hard on her ex-wife. She’s disciplined the girls, but they are indoctrinated into toxic behavior the other half of the time. Once he’s got inside their heads, that’s an almost impossible fight,” said another commenter.
The father responded to a commenter who said, “I think your wife and in-laws view you leaving as letting the ex ‘win.'”
It’s possible. However, he ‘won’ when my daughter was hurt by his and his daughters’ words.”