Marriage often involves sharing responsibilities and finding common ground, but even small habits can cause big problems. For one man, what started as a small issue with household chores has turned into a major conflict, testing his patience and the peace in his home.
He shared his story:
“I’m 28, and my wife is 30. We’ve been married for two years and together for five. We were planning to start trying for a baby, but that’s now on hold and may not happen anymore. My wife and I both work and earn about the same amount, working similar hours.
We used to have a system for chores where we’d play rock-paper-scissors to decide who did what on our days off. It seemed fair, but my wife ended up with more dishwashing duties, and I took on most, if not all, of the laundry.
My wife hates doing the dishes so much that she sometimes shuts down and cries when she sees them in the sink. At first, when I saw her upset, I’d help her out, switch chores for the day, and everything would be fine. But I started noticing that she would stop crying as soon as I took over, then go off and do something fun. It felt like she was doing it on purpose.
So, we changed the rule to ‘whoever makes the dish washes it,’ except for cooking. The person who cooks doesn’t have to wash the pots and pans. This worked for a while until I noticed my wife was making more dishes and not washing them. When I asked her about it after making dinner, she got upset. The next day, when she asked why the dishes weren’t done, I told her it was because she hadn’t done them. This led to a fight, and I ended up washing them, but I wasn’t happy about it.
I do most of the laundry because she refuses to do it, and I don’t like wearing dirty clothes. All she has to do is put her clothes in the laundry basket. But she started leaving her clothes on the floor, knowing I’d pick them up. I decided to stop doing that. When she asked why her clothes weren’t washed, I told her it was because she hadn’t put them away, which led to another argument.
This situation has gotten worse. My wife has become lazier, and I was doing all the chores on top of working. Then I had a moment where I thought, ‘Why am I doing this?’ and stopped. On her days, dishes piled up, her clothes stayed dirty, and there were crumbs everywhere. On my days, everything was clean.
To avoid doing chores, she started buying disposable dishes and cheap clothes. I got so frustrated that I threw them away. When she found out, she got really angry, and for the first time in our relationship, I raised my voice. It scared her, and I immediately regretted it.
I tried to apologize and explain that I just wanted her to help out and not waste money on unnecessary things. But she said she doesn’t feel safe with me anymore and thinks we might be better off divorced. This crushed me.
I never meant to hurt her or scare her. I was just so frustrated after months of building tension. I feel isolated, and some of our friends have taken her side. I’m starting to lose friendships over this. I feel like a jerk.
Was I wrong? All I wanted was for her to pick up after herself. I regret yelling and throwing away the disposables, but I was just so frustrated.”
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