The relationship between a married couple and their parents changes when they marry.
We owe our first allegiance to God, then to our spouse, then to our children (if we have any), and then to our parents. It is not something I came up with. Marriage is how God designed it.
“That is the reason a man leaves his parents and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
You should not make your wife feel like she needs to compete with your mother for your love, respect, and adoration.
You can have a great marriage AND a great relationship with your mother, but your marriage must come first. In addition, the love you have for your wife is different from the love you have for your mother. While you can love both, you must put your wife’s needs first before considering your mother’s. That’s the rule.
Marriage is about unity.
We cannot become one unless we are united. It means a husband and wife are on the same page and moving in the same direction…physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A husband cannot do this if he feels that loving his wife will somehow prevent him from loving and respecting his mother. Loving your mother and loving your wife are two completely different things.
Your mother is a part of you, husbands. She raised you and will love you forever, but a bird is NOT YOUR WOMAN. It may be hard for her to let go, but she has to relinquish control. You need to gently, but directly, tell her this.
You will always be her son, and your mother will always be your mother. This cannot be changed. But your wife deserves your complete devotion. You swore to love her, protect her, serve her, and even give your life to her. It’s a different kind of love – a love that we can only find when we give our whole heart to our partner.